Negative and Positive

There are times when my mind searches the depths of my being and unleashes what is muted - the sadness, frustration, anger, fear, self-pity, disappointment. In short, the negative feelings. I rarely allow myself to feel these because I am not good at explaining the bad behavior that is a result of these unguarded emotions. And when these overshadow the smiles and the pleasantries, I struggle to keep silent for I cannot trust my words which will sting and kill.

So far it has been a roller coaster week for me. There were moments when I wanted to escape and be irresponsible. A couple of times I felt that I could not breathe, trapped. Waking up in the morning just wanting to go back to sleep, not wanting to open the door; trapping myself, actually. Surrounded by blessings but not feeling fortunate. It really isn't healthy to accommodate such negative feelings so I opted to step into another world through reading. I secluded myself for a while.

It is Thursday and I intend to rejoin the world today. I have things to do. Things that I should be truly thankful for. I am blessed to have no reason to grieve. The sun is shining outside and I hear birds (eww, birds) chirping. It's a new day and that in itself is a blessing. It means I can still stretch and dance, sing and shout. No more excuses. I may still need to exert extra effort but I'm sure I will gather enough strength from the Holy One.